Lately I’ve been
writing a lot of melancholy self pitying stuff.
I decided the antidote was some pure unadulterated silliness. If this is too “over the top” for you, I can
only suggest you learn to jump higher.
Or not.
JELLYFISH AND
OTHER ‘FACT BASED’ ADVERTISING CREATIVITY
As a person who admires creativity, especially with
regard to the written word, I have long been in awe of the endless inspiration
of the advertising industry. These
writers are indisputably the pioneers of future fiction writers.
As I go through the various challenges of the aging
process, I become more and more concerned about the growingly frequent little
lapses of memory. My doctor says they
are just normal; not really indicative of any propensity to dementia. But I’m
not convinced.
So, a couple of years ago, a new product appeared on
my TV screen: A “Brain Supplement, with
an ingredient first discovered in JELLYFISH!”
Would this scientific breakthrough be the answer to my
(and probably millions of other ’seniors’ concerned about Alzheimers, or other
debilitating degenerative mental conditions?)
My long term physician, and other professionals I trust asked me the
question: “Do you really believe that an over the counter product, absent
scientific studies, has the key to solving one of the most challenging medical
issues of the twenty first century?
Let’s explore two possibly important facts: #1)
The primary composition of jellyfish is water. #2)
Did anyone ever equate jellyfish with brain health? Ponder those two items, reader.
But even the clever prose of the advertising
copywriter needs an impressive voice to be successful on television. So we viewers get (I hope my use of
capitalization and exclamation points can drive the impact home.) “With a substance originally found
in….(pregnant pause)…..JELLYFISH!!, Prevagen can”…turn you into a blooming
genius for life.
Wow, for a few bucks I can improve my reasoning
capabilities to become as smart as a jellyfish!
Yes, I exaggerate.
I don’t know if Prevagen is an effective product or not. But connecting this transparent seagoing creature to human cognition is the result of
superb creative writing in any case.
I’ve always found humor in some of the pitches of New
York’s Madison Avenue Ad Agencies. One
of my favorites follows. It is from the
1970’s and while I don’t remember the product’s name, it was one of those
liquid ‘meal replacement’ supplements that were used as weight loss
panaceas. Here it is, and it may take a
few seconds to realize the inanity within:
“Our magical product contains FIFTY PERCENT of the nutrition of a full
healthy breakfast, …but only HALF of the calories!”
So, while there seems to be a case for cutting
breakfast in half or doubling up on the magic powder, what is the benefit? The beauty of this commercial to me is that
it is probably factually accurate, it really says nothing. (With the possible exception of the premise
that the reason you will lose weight is that you will eat less.) Hardly an earthshaking major scientific
revelation!
And, oh yes, one of my more recent reviews of the work
of the men and women of the Gray Flannel Suit persuasion. MILK!
During the recent Winter Olympic Games in Seoul, South
Korea, the following TV ad appeared over and over. I only discovered it because I wasn’t quick
enough to fast forward through it while watching the prior day’s competitions.
I am in awe over the obvious genius it took to come up with this:
“Over eighty
percent of American Olympic Champions drank milk while growing up!”
This one, I
believe, has the very essence of believability in it. I am confident that it is true in every
respect.
But would it be equally true that “Over eighty present
of serial killers, and inhabitants of death row in America drank milk while
growing up?” Did drinking milk make for
superb athletic ability and/or was it a major contributor to mayhem in our
country? Just a rhetorical question.
I recently spoke with my physician regarding the huge
expenditure of money that is being spent advertising prescription drugs on
TV. What he sees almost daily is
patients demanding what they’ve seen be given to them. It is, he says, frustrating to have to
explain WHY a certain medication is NOT for them. But I still am in awe of the clever
wording; “Don’t take if you are allergic
to this medication or any of it’s ingredients….(how would I know that?) This drug can possibly treat your dry
skin. Possible side effects are instant
death, severe depression and suicidal thoughts, INCREASE in wet skin, heart
palpatations and severe bleeding. If you
have any of those symptoms, (or any other symptoms) stop taking this
medication.
Stopping this medication suddenly will prove fatal in
most cases.
OK! Maybe this
is an exaggeration. And I only half
believe the following bit of folklore:
Just before TV and radio stopped accepting cigarette commercials, it had
become painfully obvious that smoking was causing horrible health problems…even
some in the tobacco industry had given up the self denial of the scientific
facts. Again, this PROBABLY isn’t true,
but it is said that one advertising account executive came up with the
following slogan: “Emphysema, Lung
Cancer and heart disease are actually healthy and BENEFICIAL!”
As I said, I don’t totally believe that.
So, not posessing the proper skills to create TV
commercials, I too can profit from the ingenious products of those superior
advertising minds. I am thinking of
opening a boutique restaurant which serves a limited menu of half portion
breakfasts, composed of ONLY ingredients found it jellyfish. The only liquids served will be water and
milk. (To satisfy the hopes of future Olympians.) (Non fat for the diet
conscious, of course.) I will feature
jellyfish soups and salads. Fried jelly
burgers in cream sauce, and, the piece resistance…my original concept “Peanut
Butter and Jellyfish Sandwiches!” Think
of it, the benefits of peanut butter’s richness in natural fiber combined with
the intelligence improving powerful brain supplement! (The above statements have not been approved
of the FDA (or any other organization, but nevertheless they are all true.) Takeout
menu only available by prescription.
I invite eager investors to contact me before the rush!
