AMERICA’S LAST FLIP PHONE
But I’m writing this on a computer, so I’m not that
behind the times. And my abacus has 10
beads!
I live in Northern California…just a stone’s throw, (and
about two and a half hours by car) from Silicon Valley, Hi Tech Capital of the
World.
This makes my lack of appetite for every new gadget
that comes down the pike a little more striking than it might be if I lived in,
say, Vladivostok, Russia. When I want to
make a call, or receive a call, I pull out my flip phone, (Lovingly referred to
my ‘dumb phone.’) This, opposed to what,
seemingly every native Californian over the age of six seemingly has, a ‘smart
phone.’
Lately, to cover my shame, I have taken to seeking
solitude away from prying eyes when making a call. But one doesn’t have that option when the
phone chimes an incoming call in a public setting.. A choice arises; should I answer it and
subject myself to looks of derision, sneers, or worse, pity? Or would it be preferable to let it ring until
the caller either hangs up or leaves a message. I can retrieve it later, away
from all those superior humans?
Everyone I know not only has a smart phone, but feels
it a moral imperative that I, too, must join the twenty first century, and that
is their duty as compassionate humans, to cajole, force, or shame me into
having a smart phone. After all, if one
doesn’t own a smart phone, the reasoning goes, it follows that one is not
smart.
Not only is it their messianic responsibility to save
my silicon based soul, I must not only acquire a smart phone, I must replace it
at minimum, once a year with the latest more, sophisticated, and more expensive
super model.
I will admit, it is miraculous to watch as my friends
put their phones thru their many paces.
The vocal commands are, to me the stuff of science fiction. “Smart phone, what did Babe Ruth have for
breakfast the day he hit his sixtieth home run?” Within three seconds, the answer to this and
many other crucial bits of information are related back to questioner. “Smart phone, set a route from my home to a
Seven Eleven in Biloxi, Mississippi.”
Forget the fact that there are other ways to get that done. If one own a properly modern smart phone, no
other gadgets are needed, although I have yet to see one with a built in
electric toothbrush, or lawn mower But I’ve learned not to rule out anything,
and the manufacturers must keep adding features lest risking that people might
become complacent with the units they already own. Bad for business.
The list of possible applications for today’s smart
phone seems endless. Games of all sorts;
live television streaming from home; applications to lock and unlock your car
or home from any place on earth. not to speak of controlling the lights, heat,
appliances and pet monitoring. All in
that little rectangular miracle. It can
take photographs superior to all but the most sophisticated professional
cameras. I have heard it said that one
can even make and receive telephone calls.
So here’s a partial justification for my little flip
‘dumb phone.’ I am not making an anti
technology statement. If I were, I would
probably not own any type of mobile phone.
I like the idea of being able to call the cops if I wreck my car or get
a flat tire out in the boondocks.
Staying in touch to a certain degree is reassuring, especially as the
pitfalls of age encroach on my physical self reliance. Although, with all that, there are times when
I just want my phone on it’s silent mode, and to be away from everything and
everyone.
So, I can make phone calls with my phone. I am able to receive calls with my phone, I can take photos, but they probably can’t be
blown up to mural size. I can even send
and receive text messages. I actually
have done this on a couple of occasions, but choose not to. I don’t think I can make my dumb phone
retrieve my emails, however. It’s
OK! To prove I am not an anti
civilization luddite, I DO have a computer, and I DO send and get emails. It’s just that I don’t feel it pressing to
read each one within milliseconds of it’s
reception. And I use the computer almost
every day. (If I didn’t there would be
even more misspelled words in this piece!)
So, facing the daily onslaught of derision, I still have
no intention of getting a smart phone. Yet,
I know that if I did, I would in all likelihood wonder how I ever existed
without it. And I’d want a new one to
better enable me to carry on translated communications with beings from distant
planets.
As more and more people go higher and higher up the
tech ladder, I’m happy to be here on my comfortable rung. But there are a few benefits, aside from
those already mentioned; My current plan
costs me a little over $100 a YEAR! And
even with that, I never use all the minutes I have purchased. I just roll them over. Currently I have well over three thousand
unused minutes; my dumb flip phone fits in my shirt pocket, and the screen is
protected when the phone is closed; Finally, and this is of supreme, (if
irrational) importance. Flip phones are
becoming rarer and rarer just like antique automobiles, they will likely prove
to be wonderful investments. If you too have
a flip phone, I encourage you to smash it.
This will hasten the day I can sell the last dumb phone on earth, mine, to
the Smithsonian , Btitish Museum or an eccentric millionaire for an exorbitant
sum.
I don’t know how long it will take to achieve these
dreams of riches. It may be my heirs
will see the benefit. How long? I wish I knew. Perhaps if you have an up to date smart
phone, you could calculate the date for me.
